[Attempting to explain white pepper]
Its just as milder as black pepper.

[On those ice dispensers that some refrigerators have]
You’ve got to ice the floor every once in a while to keep it dry

[On hearing techno music playing from the closed restaurant across the street]
Is that a gay house club? [pause] That’s not how I meant’ed it…

[On PDA at restaurants]
If I have to see that one more time I’m gonna puke my pants!

[After Dillon hit his knee against a coffee table while playing Rock Band against me]
Ha! You’re injured! Now I can finally take my place at the top of the pile!

[Trying to order two of the #2 Value Meals at the McDonalds Drive Thru]
Automated Drive Thru Message: Hi, would you like to try one of our new Angus burgers today?
Andy: Hi can I have 2 two’s…2 two’s small…two number two’s small…a number two small and a number two small…two small two’s…two two’s…
Actual Drive Thru Attendant: Hi, can I help you?
Andy: Oh thank god.

[To a customer at Staples after being told that we stocked a product I had said we didn’t]
Ah, I should have knew’ed we has that!