Monday, December 27, 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

[Discussing Options]

That's one I would not have thought to think of

Monday, December 20, 2010

If I set fire on this...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

[Ordering Pizza]

I need a large, half prepperoni-
[On the phone]

Hi, Can I talk to pizza?
Its like...one billion Belize below zero out.
Coworker: What do they call the male dancers at the ballet?

Andy: Ballerine...person...

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

And that he's true about
[Talking about a deck of cards]

Thats a nice looking dick, I'd totally would buy it if they shold it

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I haven't sent any messages out since April. Then I respond to a couple message and that's's about it
That's basically what it comes off to as me!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

If you stuck that to your face, it would never come off. Your skin would asborve it.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I would totally buy that game, if it got was well reviews

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

He wanted a bit of the old cog

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Light has a heat to it.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Yeah, but you need someone with over 200 experiyears.
[On a funny joke]

Everyone was crapping up hysterically.

It's a hilarious joke no one will eveler get!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

[On celery in beef stew]

Oh, I like it. It becomes like a solid block of beef fat... and... stew... taste.
That's ok, I shouldn't be eating that many popcorns anyways.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Ive always thoughted I want more pizza

Friday, November 5, 2010

[Confronted with a challenge]

What? Right now? I couldn't possible.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Still not a great well formed sentence.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I gotta imagine that can't great for them
You could just go buy a Mac hardware
Its weird how your knees don't exist when you stand up.

Monday, November 1, 2010

This is a judgement free zone. No one's gay in this room.
Yeah, its like a 5 minute walk, and if I still go-ed there, it'd be awesome!

Friday, October 29, 2010

...on a regular batious.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

You can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Dillon: You're a self starter

Andy: And a stelf finisher!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Dillon: In 5 minutes I'm heading out to the mall

Andy: Yeah that's probably easy... enough

[In an email to a customer trying to get them to renew their Software Maintenance contract]

If you're interested in renewing your maintenance for the free maintenance...

Thursday, October 14, 2010

It makes my mouth make weird faces!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

That guy's got brass balls of steel!

Monday, October 11, 2010

[On sauces]

You show me a thirst question pasta!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

[On pills]

You hold on them, that way my mom won't can find out

Friday, October 8, 2010

[On Cigarettes]

That's what happened the last time I ate Lucky Strikes

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

[On Roommates]

You don't hog up the mirror when you're sharing a razor!

[On Books]

I need those for eating on my own accord!

Dude, this is the sadnest...
Things that I thought were difficult to do are not as... as I thought they were
Maybe that where I seen it, or something similar...

Monday, October 4, 2010

He always seemed like a really guy!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I wonder how many more times expensive those are...

Friday, September 24, 2010

You've researched goats! They can be made into cheese!
[Regarding the flavors in a piece of garlic bread including tomato and basil]

Well...I taste tomaiso...

Bye! See you When...day...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My eyes don't need to work to make my hands!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

[Giving a eulogy]

Dillon died what he loved...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I killed four dudes but they're still alive

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Like when he had that affair with his wife.

Friday, September 3, 2010

[During my first shift as a bus boy]

Coworker: Its your first day, but you're doing such a good job that you look like you've been working here a while now.

Andy: Well, that's because I don't shower often.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Make sure you leave to the exit

Monday, August 23, 2010

That doesn't even make physics
I often wash food on the stove!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

How cool kills can you make?

Monday, August 16, 2010

Dude, have you ever had a beard to the face?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I have no idea how high that up is.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

This is an extensive puzzle, it requires knowledges of two bolloxes.

Friday, August 6, 2010

[Reading in the paper "Welsh Pony Horse for Sale"]

Oh, there's a welsh pony for horse!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Oh my god, you can see where it broke and bleeded!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Is this where your life has become?

Friday, July 30, 2010

[Explaining the personal significance of a song]

I remember hearing this song...at my neighbors house...on the radio.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

[On bar tricks]
...part of the coyote bugly shit-bar course.
[Trying to say something is "awesome"]

Yeah, that would be office.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Our perception of days will die with our deaths at the very least.

Monday, July 12, 2010

[On anger]
I fuck hate...
I've got swamp soup in my ball-ass

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

So...what are you going to be...um...uh...how was your day?
[On waitresses]
Yeah, cause they're totally not already having boyfriends already.

Friday, July 2, 2010

[Telling a female friend to calm down]

Whoa...chill your...dick...out...Steven...

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

...wait to see what you'll get for your evalwation first.
It's like when the back of your neck is long, but it's not time to get a hair cut.

Monday, June 28, 2010

[On personal management]
...and then complain that I don't have enough time about it!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

[Threatening]
I will stap your neg.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

[On the Economy]

Do you know how that would affect the total cost of money for this economy?
[Walking up the stairs in my office with my hands in my pocket. A cute girl is coming down the stairs ahead of me. I trip on basically nothing and, as my hands are in my pockets, I fall flat on my face]

Cute Girl: Oh my god, are you ok?!

Andy: Hah, oh yeah, I'm fine. I guess I just need to practice... walking... up stairs
[Excerpts from my attempt to read a game description to Dillon]

...lots of new rambient sounds like mosquitoes buzzing, dogs barting...

...new special skills and abiligies...

...mods for the 10 milli pister...
[To cute girl getting out of her car next to me in the parking lot]

Andy: I guess I... need to pay more attention when I'm standing in my car, huh? ::nervous laugh::

[Cute girl looks confused for a moment and then walks away]

Friday, June 11, 2010

HaHA! Pizza is formed by air!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

You know, when you try to talk normally...through your nose...
Why don't you enjoy the voices I make? Especially the ones only I can hear.

Friday, June 4, 2010

[On Guitars]
You can’t string it to have a wider neck.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

[Attempting to explain white pepper]
Its just as milder as black pepper.
[On those ice dispensers that some refrigerators have]
You’ve got to ice the floor every once in a while to keep it dry
[On hearing techno music playing from the closed restaurant across the street]
Is that a gay house club? [pause] That’s not how I meant’ed it…
[On PDA at restaurants]
If I have to see that one more time I’m gonna puke my pants!
[After Dillon hit his knee against a coffee table while playing Rock Band against me]
Ha! You’re injured! Now I can finally take my place at the top of the pile!
[Trying to order two of the #2 Value Meals at the McDonalds Drive Thru]
Automated Drive Thru Message: Hi, would you like to try one of our new Angus burgers today?
Andy: Hi can I have 2 two’s…2 two’s small…two number two’s small…a number two small and a number two small…two small two’s…two two’s…
Actual Drive Thru Attendant: Hi, can I help you?
Andy: Oh thank god.
[To a customer at Staples after being told that we stocked a product I had said we didn’t]
Ah, I should have knew’ed we has that!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

It was about time

Looks like its time to finally get this blog up and running!