What I said?

[Discussing Options]

That's one I would not have thought to think of

If I set fire on this...

[Ordering Pizza]

I need a large, half prepperoni-

[On the phone]

Hi, Can I talk to pizza?

Its like...one billion Belize below zero out.

Coworker: What do they call the male dancers at the ballet?

Andy: Ballerine...person...

And that he's true about

[Talking about a deck of cards]

Thats a nice looking dick, I'd totally would buy it if they shold it

I haven't sent any messages out since April. Then I respond to a couple message and that's's about it

That's basically what it comes off to as me!

If you stuck that to your face, it would never come off. Your skin would asborve it.

I would totally buy that game, if it got was well reviews

He wanted a bit of the old cog

Light has a heat to it.

Yeah, but you need someone with over 200 experiyears.

[On a funny joke]

Everyone was crapping up hysterically.

It's a hilarious joke no one will eveler get!

[On celery in beef stew]

Oh, I like it. It becomes like a solid block of beef fat... and... stew... taste.

That's ok, I shouldn't be eating that many popcorns anyways.

Ive always thoughted I want more pizza

[Confronted with a challenge]

What? Right now? I couldn't possible.

Still not a great well formed sentence.

I gotta imagine that can't great for them

You could just go buy a Mac hardware

Its weird how your knees don't exist when you stand up.

This is a judgement free zone. No one's gay in this room.

Yeah, its like a 5 minute walk, and if I still go-ed there, it'd be awesome!

...on a regular batious.

You can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Dillon: You're a self starter

Andy: And a stelf finisher!

Dillon: In 5 minutes I'm heading out to the mall

Andy: Yeah that's probably easy... enough

[In an email to a customer trying to get them to renew their Software Maintenance contract]

If you're interested in renewing your maintenance for the free maintenance...

It makes my mouth make weird faces!

That guy's got brass balls of steel!

[On sauces]

You show me a thirst question pasta!

[On pills]

You hold on them, that way my mom won't can find out

[On Cigarettes]

That's what happened the last time I ate Lucky Strikes

[On Roommates]

You don't hog up the mirror when you're sharing a razor!

[On Books]

I need those for eating on my own accord!

Dude, this is the sadnest...

Things that I thought were difficult to do are not as... as I thought they were

Maybe that where I seen it, or something similar...

He always seemed like a really guy!

I wonder how many more times expensive those are...

You've researched goats! They can be made into cheese!

[Regarding the flavors in a piece of garlic bread including tomato and basil]

Well...I taste tomaiso...

Bye! See you When...day...

My eyes don't need to work to make my hands!

[Giving a eulogy]

Dillon died what he loved...

I killed four dudes but they're still alive

Like when he had that affair with his wife.

[During my first shift as a bus boy]

Coworker: Its your first day, but you're doing such a good job that you look like you've been working here a while now.

Andy: Well, that's because I don't shower often.

Make sure you leave to the exit

That doesn't even make physics

I often wash food on the stove!

How cool kills can you make?

Dude, have you ever had a beard to the face?

I have no idea how high that up is.

This is an extensive puzzle, it requires knowledges of two bolloxes.

[Reading in the paper "Welsh Pony Horse for Sale"]

Oh, there's a welsh pony for horse!

Oh my god, you can see where it broke and bleeded!

Is this where your life has become?

[Explaining the personal significance of a song]

I remember hearing this song...at my neighbors house...on the radio.

[On bar tricks]
...part of the coyote bugly shit-bar course.

[Trying to say something is "awesome"]

Yeah, that would be office.

Our perception of days will die with our deaths at the very least.

[On anger]
I fuck hate...

I've got swamp soup in my ball-ass

So...what are you going to be...um...uh...how was your day?

[On waitresses]
Yeah, cause they're totally not already having boyfriends already.

[Telling a female friend to calm down]

Whoa...chill your...dick...out...Steven...

...wait to see what you'll get for your evalwation first.

It's like when the back of your neck is long, but it's not time to get a hair cut.

[On personal management]
...and then complain that I don't have enough time about it!

[Threatening]
I will stap your neg.

[On the Economy]

Do you know how that would affect the total cost of money for this economy?

[Walking up the stairs in my office with my hands in my pocket. A cute girl is coming down the stairs ahead of me. I trip on basically nothing and, as my hands are in my pockets, I fall flat on my face]

Cute Girl: Oh my god, are you ok?!

Andy: Hah, oh yeah, I'm fine. I guess I just need to practice... walking... up stairs

[Excerpts from my attempt to read a game description to Dillon]

...lots of new rambient sounds like mosquitoes buzzing, dogs barting...

...new special skills and abiligies...

...mods for the 10 milli pister...

[To cute girl getting out of her car next to me in the parking lot]

Andy: I guess I... need to pay more attention when I'm standing in my car, huh? ::nervous laugh::

[Cute girl looks confused for a moment and then walks away]

HaHA! Pizza is formed by air!

You know, when you try to talk normally...through your nose...

Why don't you enjoy the voices I make? Especially the ones only I can hear.

[On Guitars]
You can’t string it to have a wider neck.

[Attempting to explain white pepper]
Its just as milder as black pepper.

[On those ice dispensers that some refrigerators have]
You’ve got to ice the floor every once in a while to keep it dry

[On hearing techno music playing from the closed restaurant across the street]
Is that a gay house club? [pause] That’s not how I meant’ed it…

[On PDA at restaurants]
If I have to see that one more time I’m gonna puke my pants!

[After Dillon hit his knee against a coffee table while playing Rock Band against me]
Ha! You’re injured! Now I can finally take my place at the top of the pile!

[Trying to order two of the #2 Value Meals at the McDonalds Drive Thru]
Automated Drive Thru Message: Hi, would you like to try one of our new Angus burgers today?
Andy: Hi can I have 2 two’s…2 two’s small…two number two’s small…a number two small and a number two small…two small two’s…two two’s…
Actual Drive Thru Attendant: Hi, can I help you?
Andy: Oh thank god.

[To a customer at Staples after being told that we stocked a product I had said we didn’t]
Ah, I should have knew’ed we has that!

It was about time

Looks like its time to finally get this blog up and running!